1. Ask your host sister Laura for buckets to wash your clothes. When she provides you with these ask her to show you how to get water and then ask where you can wash your clothes. This will affirm your incompetence before you have started.
2. Bring a stool with you to the courtyard, and slop as much water as possible out of your bucket as you carry it from the well. Both these items will remind everyone in the house you are not African.
3. Start scrubbing your clothes and pretend to be unaware that Laura is staring at you from the window. When she appears in the courtyard smirking say to her with enthusiasm: "I'm doing a great job right?! Look how clean this is." She is definitely lying when she tells you "It's not clean." It is.
4. When Laura tells you she will wash your clothes for you tell her you must learn. If this fails, remind her you can't possible find a good husband if you don't learn. Wait for her to stop laughing and tell her you are serious. Remind her of this fact every time she critiques your washing.
5. Wash alongside your roommate and Laura, until the second host sister, Jennifer, arrives home. When Laura calls to her from the courtyard and starts to giggle mid-sentence, shout "She is telling you about how good we are this isn't she!?" to Jennifer. Wait to hear Laura say quietly "I'm telling her to come wash your clothes."
6. Repeat steps 2 - 4 as often as necessary, with both Laura and Jennifer. When their friend Janet arrives repeat these steps with her.
7. Dump your clean clothes in the rinse water and watch as Laura and Jennifer add soap to the bucket and begin to rewash everything you have just washed.
8. Start to wash your underwear, and don't be worried when Janet takes your underwear away from you to clean it better. Laura and Jennifer will rewash all of it anyways, even the pieces Janet has scrubbed.
9. Attempt to look busy washing the same pair of underwear for a long time until finally one of the girls says "You've got it!". Nod and smile. If you have open sores on your knuckles from scrubbing hard, you may actually be somewhat close to knowing how to wash properly.
10. Attempt to help them finish by hanging clothes on the line, and disposing of the water. They won't let you do either of these things, but you can try. Beg them to compliment you on how clean your clothes are and what a good job you have done. This will end in laughter. Thank them endlessly for helping.
After all of this is done you'll see Janet head back to her home. You will conclude correctly that she has come over simply to watch you wash your laundry and laugh at you. If you're lucky, later that night, you will hear your host sisters retell this story to their friends. Congratulations you crazy SmalleySmalley, you've made their day.
1 comment:
Wel,, you crazy Smally Smally, you certainly made my day!!! It's a little different doing laundry in Africa than simply opening the front load washer, throwing it all in, adding a little liquid soap and leaving. I think I like my way better. However, hearing about you doing laundry in Sandema makes me laugh. So gald to hear you are retaining your sense of humour despite the heat and the skepticism with which your hosts treat you. You sound like an endless source of amusement to them. Love you, crazy white girl.
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