"I didn't sign up for this" is a phrase I was tempted to say on many occasions in Kumasi while waffling between feeling encouraged and totally, and completely, overwhelmed. Many times I wanted to retreat into a defensive mode in which I could argue I never took on SFD to live in a hostel in a city with a water/electricity crises, navigate a foreign health care system while caring for a family I hardly know, attempt to complete project reports and school papers in less than ideal working settings, and come face-to-face with my many shortcomings and seeming inabilities. Surely, I didn't sign up for this.
And yet, every time I came close to wanting to say it I was reminded this, this project, is exactly what I signed up for. I signed up for the unknown, to work with CBR and assist CBR clients in whatever way was most meaningful, to be challenged, and to learn about development and myself in the process. Working on something bigger than I could have envisioned is exactly what I signed up for and I have gotten to be a part of something huge.
This project, this adventure, this roller coaster I have been on, this is exactly what I signed up for. And maybe someday I will be able to articulate just what this experience has meant for me. Just now I know the picture is bigger than what I can see. I'm too embedded in the image to be able to tell you what all it means but I'll give you a one word preview (if only I could say it for you and pronounce it the beautiful, drawn-out, Ghanaian way that is so common here): "wow".
Wow, oh, wow. This thing I "didn't sign up for" is a pretty beautiful gift.
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